Two sides of motherhood

There are two sides of motherhood.

One side is the responsibilities - thousands of things to do and worry about, feeding, diapering, nail clipping, story-telling, washing and sterilizing bottles (and the toys), choosing toys, picking outfits, washing clothes, replacing all kinds of supplies, child-proofing the house, deciding where to take the child to on weekends, adjusting to the changing feeding patterns, ... and above all, putting the child to sleep every night! In general, it's like taking on another job, though more exhausting than most other jobs, and you tend to be more worried that you may not have done an adequate job.

The other side is the sheer fact that you have brought this little individual into the world, who is going to develop into his/her own person. When I put my daughter to sleep at night, often times I also go to sleep with her, at about 8 -9 pm. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and do housework, or catch up with some work, or simply relax by surfing the Internet. Every now and then, I would go to check on her. And there she is, in her crib, sleeping like an angel. You can't help being amazed that this little thing, 72 cm long and 19.6 lb in weight to be precise, has so much power on the lives of the people around her. You also can't help thinking about all the possibilities in front of her, some pretty certain - such as that she is going to be able to walk and talk, while others more uncertain - such as what profession she is going to enter and who are the people she is going to meet. During these quiet moments, I savor the meaning of motherhood - it is something so significant that it is almost surreal. And the sharp contrast between the philosophical side and the mundane side of motherhood leaves me even more in awe. Being a mother is so commonplace, and yet it has such profound effects on another person's life.

Sometimes the most common things are also the most myterious - for example, time, or motherhood.

Playground, book, etc.

昨天是Memorial Day， 我们带宝宝去playground。宝宝坐秋千，打滑梯（妈妈抱着），还在小火车里玩。宝宝坐秋千和打滑梯略有些紧张，在小火车里更高兴一些。我发现她不在家里的时候，在室内（如博物馆）或半封闭的空间（如小火车）会自在一些，另外宝宝喜欢interactive的玩具，喜欢用手触摸来探索。

晚上我读书给她，哄她睡觉。这几天读的是＂Pat the Bunny"。她原来对"Mommy's ring"（书页上的戒指有一个洞）一点儿感觉都没有，但昨天她在用手指试探。我把书页掀开一点，从另一面抓住宝宝的手指。宝宝高兴极了，格格地笑。（顺便说一句，宝宝现在不如原来那么容易被逗笑了。）

Museum of Science

宝宝今天是九个月零三天。
今天是宝宝第一次参观博物馆。我们带她去Museum of Science. 有很多展台是交互式的，可以坐在那里按按钮，宝宝非常喜欢。宝宝玩得比较久的地方是世界地图。
宝宝玩得很开心，回家以后也很乖。乖的表现就是肯自己玩，－ 确切地说是爸爸看着她玩。她不太乖的时候就是缠着我，我一秒钟也不能离开她的视野，一看不见我就叫。

Trust

Yesterday at a conference, I learned about a new research finding: facial resemblance promotes trust. The research is pretty cool: an image of a person (whom the subject can choose to do business with) is morphed either with the subject’s own face or with someone else', and it is shown that faces that are morphed with one's own generate more trust and the subjects are more likely to accept the offers made by these "people". Someone in the audience asked an interesting question: Is this because people trust others who look like themselves, or, is it because people trust others who look like their parents who look like themselves? The presenter said that the current research cannot answer that, but apparently new research can be conducted on people who were adopted.

This raises some very intersting questions. Does a person simply trust people whom he grows up with, no matter what he looks like himself? How important is the person's own appearance/genes in generating trust? For example, for children who were adopted by partents from other cultures or races, who would they trust more: people that look like themselves or their parents? Common sense seems to tell us that one's own appearance is not superfluous. Otherwise, inter-racial, inter-cultural adoptions would not attract more attention than other adoptions. I once heard on NPR about this topic, and remembered an African-American girl adopted by white parents talking about the special challenges she faced growing up.

So the question itself: whether people trust others who look like themselves or their parents, may need to be revised. The very fact that one looks like his/her parents (or not) may play an important role in shaping a person, including his/her ability to trust others. Growing up, every person asks, and needs to answer, this question: "Who am I?" This is part of establishing one's identity. In this process, one inevitably notices whether he/she resembles his/her parents. If not, it will be more difficult for the kid to find his/her identity.

Another observation may also be illuminating. Many of my friends, who are also Chinese living in the US, told me that their kids often have friends from all races and backgrounds in kindergarten, but by the time they go to high school, their friends are much more likely from similar background (Asian Americans). This is probably because having friends with similar backgrounds is part of establishing one's identity; and these friends may in turn reinforce the identity.

After all, "know oneself" is the ultimate task for each one of us. And as one comes to know oneself, including one's appearance, one may start to reexamine one's relationships with others including parents, friends, and strangers.

审美观

很多人看到宝宝的第一句评论是：真是樱桃小口啊！她的姥爷看了她的照片以后，对她最早的评论之一也是如此。大家都觉得这是宝宝漂亮的证据之一。对此，宝宝的爸爸是很不以为然的。他认为宝宝的嘴不小。为什么呢？经过和宝宝的爸爸仔细探讨，发现他的逻辑是这样的。首先，他认为嘴小不好看。而且，他是很有原则的，不会轻易改变自己的审美观。当然，作为一个骄傲的父亲，他不可能认为自己的女儿不好看。推理顺序为： 宝宝好看，嘴小不好看，所以宝宝嘴不小。至于嘴的大小的标准，很简单：以宝宝为标准，减一分则小！

宝宝的性格

以前看到说孩子很小就可以看出个性。我对宝宝将来的性格大概可以猜猜，但不象我以为的那么明显。大概如果有了不只一个孩子，有对比会感觉更明显。我们因为没有经验，只能凭对成年人的了解来推测宝宝的个性。
宝宝总的说来性格很好，不会无缘无故哭闹。不过据说babies哭都是有原因的。她玩的玩具，给她拿走，她会换一个再玩。我有次抱她把她闪了一下，她觉得新奇好玩儿，格格格地笑。她可以自己玩，自娱自乐。这些性格基本上象她爸爸。她从一个月不到，夜里醒来就不哭，一个人在那玩，只有时间太久饿坏了才会哭。她夜里醒来后呼吸声和睡时不一样，我就是靠听呼吸声夜里醒来给她喂奶。每次我醒来看她在那睁着大眼睛都好心疼，不知道她醒了多久。因为她这样我反而睡得格外不踏实。
但是她不想做的事，谁也没办法，真要哭起来也是不依不饶。爷爷奶奶说她＂不吃亏＂。
宝宝做事很专注，她认真研究玩具的时候，小眉毛皱着，先生说象我。当然她更喜欢研究非玩具的物体，比如她的各种器械上的安全带(changing pad, high chair, swing, etc.)，遥控器，等等。

progress

1. 上周三（５月６日），宝宝右上的门牙长出来了。
2. 这周一(５月１１日)， 宝宝会向前爬了。

最近格外忙。近一个月一直在写research statement； 一篇paper被接受了，当然是最大的好消息，但是final revision给的时间很短，必须立刻改好；又是学期末，学生交project，又考试，给学生答疑，准备考题（这次是别的老师出题，还好，但也要仔细读，提出修改意见），然后改project，改考卷。我总共有１００个学生，工作量很大。
这还不够，我的保姆要回国呆一个月，所以我必须另找一个保姆。登广告，面试。今天（５月１２日）新保姆第一天来。新保姆和宝宝玩儿得挺好。我一上午在家。中午先生回来，我去学校，因为有和同事的appointment。我两个小时就回来了。但宝宝总的说来还是有点紧张，白天总共只睡了１小时。保姆下班后，宝宝从5:45睡到8:45！晚上给宝宝的爷爷奶奶打电话，他们听说后笑说：终于确定不会被新保姆抱走了，放松下来就睡了个大觉。