同类?

1. 以前在social networking网站看到有人用孩子的照片作为自己的形象标，总觉得不妥。难道孩子能代表自己吗？现在自己有了孩子，在全是熟人（如中学同学）的网站上，我也时常用孩子的照片代表自己。无它，实在是看孩子的照片张张都好看，而看自己的近照实在是自惭形秽。

2. 先生曾经说，宝宝大概不觉得她和我们是同类。宝宝怎么想我是不知道，但我倒开始觉得babies和成年人确实不象同类。看着个个都可爱的babies，和各种面目的成年人，实在无法想象两类人是同一物种。特别是当遇到一些让人生气的人和事，让人更是无法想象他们也曾经是纯真可爱的babies。

今天带宝宝去图书馆的"toddler sing" program. 中国人很多，有妈妈带的，也有姥姥／奶奶带的。也有白人和西裔。但从这个社区的人口组成来说，来的华裔大大超过其比例，华裔的重视教育可见一斑。

游泳 海滩

周末带宝宝学游泳，又去海边。大人累，宝宝也累。宝宝累了就不好好吃饭睡觉，大人是加倍地累。今天才缓过来一点。

宝宝的游泳班上有五六个＂同学＂，多是爸爸妈妈一起来的。只有一个家长可以下水，另一个在池边，多是拍照。我们家是我在水里带着宝宝，先生拍照。老师教我们几种在水中握住宝宝的姿势，让我们练习。然后就是带着大家在水里唱歌，做动作。宝宝玩得很开心。后来我看先生拍的录像，几个小朋友当中就数宝宝最高兴，笑得最多。宝宝一向把各种新奇的活动当作是逗她玩。

带她去海滩，这是宝宝第一次看到大西洋（以前去海边确切说看的是湾）。水很凉，抱着宝宝让她的脚丫沾沾水。宝宝也很喜欢看海浪。在沙滩上，宝宝对海带也研究了半天。

宝宝现在在断奶期，但她还是不太喜欢需要咀嚼的食物，固体食物只喜欢吃蛋羹和豆腐这样不需要嚼的。但又不能只喂她爱吃的，必须让她逐渐适应嚼食物（宝宝现在有八颗牙）。宝宝现在到处爬，必须时刻看着她。她可以站，但还不会走。站着不需支撑，但要抓着点东西保持平衡。

宝宝有一个好习惯，爱喝水。她用带吸管的杯子喝水。上周六（７／４）周末去朋友家BBQ，才知道会用吸管对十个月的宝宝来说也是个小成就。上个星期，有一次她喝完水，把杯子放下又爬着到处去游玩，过了一会儿大概觉得渴了，又爬回来抱起杯子喝。

宝宝平时喂饭费劲，我们给她煮的面条一次没好好吃过。在朋友家，朋友喂她女儿面条，宝宝竟也爬过去凑热闹要吃，朋友喂给她，她吃得还挺好，还知道把嘴边的面条用手指头送进嘴里。朋友朋友笑着对我夸她，一回头才发现宝宝意识虽好，但技术不过关，面条反而被她捅出来掉在地上。

宝宝很有＂魅力＂的。去朋友家的几个孩子当中只有一个男孩，五岁，其他几个是女孩，其中宝宝最小。我和男孩的妈妈聊天的时候，小男孩跑过来，和他妈妈耳语，他妈妈说，＂不行。＂后来男孩的妈妈告诉我，他是想抱我们宝宝。周日去游泳，我抱着宝宝在池边玩水，有两个八九岁样子的女孩围过来，也不说话，就看她，于是我和她们打招呼，她们就问宝宝叫什么名字。

说到宝宝游泳，我们去的是一个露天的专供孩子玩的＂踩水池＂（wading pool)，还有各种喷泉。宝宝胆子还满大的，不怕水，我先抱着她，让她用脚撩水，她还直要往水里扎。又让她坐在水里拍水玩，象在家里的澡盆里一样。后来我也抱着她象游泳那样＂游＂了几下。

这次其实是练习。下周我就要带宝宝＂正式＂学游泳啦！是一个专门针对６－１８个月的宝宝的游泳班。

人小时候对生活有很多幻想。年纪渐长，知道自己的生活就是这样平平淡淡的普通人的生活。近来才知道，就是这样平平淡淡的普通人的生活，也是不容易的；能够把这样的生活过得好，就是一种成就。以前觉得别人这么说是矫情，现在才知道是的确如此。

人也是很有意思的动物。不稳定的时候希望稳定，太稳定了又觉得不够刺激。渴望稳定的生活，该是人类的天性，大概从人类的祖先就是如此。但同时人类在远古时期，为了应对残酷的自然环境，大概就习惯了对付各种变化，所以一旦没有变化，我们的基因又导致我们不善于应对这样的生活。就象人的免疫系统，空气中有细菌会作出反应，但是当空气很清洁的时候，免疫系统却并不闲着享受，又会过敏。

Away We Go

My husband and I went to the movie Away We Go yesterday. It is about a couple traveling to several cities including Phoenix, Tucson, Madison, Montreal, and Miami, in an attempt to find the best place to live and raise their soon-to-be-born daughter.

Before going to the movie
I've constantly been thinking about the very same question - where to settle down. And in my mind - and on the Internet too, of course - I've travelled around the globe many times, but haven't yet got an answer. So maybe this movie can give me some tips about this.

Another appeal of the movie is that, according to the reviews, there are many bad parents in the movie. So I was hoping I could say "I'm not THAT bad a parent" after the movie and feel good about myself.

After seeing the movie
I did like the movie, though what I hoped for did not happen at all. First, the couple figured out where to call home at the end of the movie, but I haven't. Second, to my surprise, it turns out that seeing bad parenting practice does not make me feel any better about myself.

In a sense, the couple was looking more for "perfect parents" to emulate than for a perfect place to raise their daughter. But it turns out that the only perfect parents are Verona's, who are long dead. Suppose Verona and Burt will be such parents. It still means that only dead parents or parents-to-be are perfect. Is the film trying to tell us that there is no such a thing as perfect parents? It's very touching when Burt and Verona were exchanging promises, but I, for one, have broken many parenting promises I made (for example I promise to be strict with my kid but I haven't been, or according to my husband, I've been anything but strict).

Everyone will find out what kind of parent he/she is when he/she actually becomes one. To summarize how I feel as a mother (only 10 month, but feels much longer): I've always felt I'm not a good enough mom since the beginning, but what balances it out is that strange confidence about my child: no matter how bad a mother I am, I believe my child will turn out to be fine, because she is just too good to be messed up by me.

Another ironic thing is that even the "bad" parents in the movie are actually doing what they think is the best for their children. When we look at other families, we can easily see what is "wrong" and believe we can do better, but, are we really better?

宝宝很有安全意识。昨天在playground打滑梯，保姆把她带到滑梯上面，我在下面接她。保姆松手后，她双手抓住扶手不松开，直到我伸手抓住她的腿，她才松手，由我托着她滑下来。

宝宝虽然一直是在家里带的，但好像蛮social的。第一次见到差不多大的小宝宝，她就伸手去抓人家。前两天在图书馆，我和遇到的一个带孩子的妈妈说话，她又是出其不意地去抓那个小宝宝。昨天在playground她又故伎重演。

宝宝现在特别爱荡秋千。昨天想把她从秋千里抱出来时，她的手紧紧抓住秋千不放。今天她又是抓住秋千不放，我执意把她抱出来，她就哭了，就又让她玩了一会儿。

宝宝＂小时候＂（６个月以内），哭的原因只是饿，困，或尿了。现在就多了，比如说因为我没有pay attention，或因为我离开，还有就是因为没玩够，最后这一点我常常忘记，有几次都绝望了，不知她为什么哭，最后才想起来她还要继续玩。

宝宝特别爱听象声词。＂哗＂＂当＂＂唰＂， 等等，还有各种动物的叫声。前天她坐在地上撕纸玩，我就配合她的动作说＂哗＂，她笑得开心极了。我也和她对着撕，同时配音，她简直笑得不行。真是＂撕纸作千金一笑＂。

宝宝十个月了。周末两天都是阴雨天，我和先生就没有带宝宝在户外玩，只是出去买东西带着她。我们把宝宝当做小白鼠一样做不同的食物喂给宝宝－蔬菜粥，水果粥，鸡蛋羹，等等。（这些蔬菜水果都是宝宝吃过的，只是以前吃的是罐装的，现在我们做新鲜的给她。）结果这个周末感觉特别累。好在宝宝基本上对什么都不过敏。孩子对食物过敏的父母，不知要有多累呢。
我简直无法想象我们小时候我们的父母有多累。过去没有冰箱，没有微波炉，甚至煤气都没有，每次做饭要生火，做饭也没有电饭锅。那时候也没有stroller, 也没有纸尿裤。
人不仅是由俭入奢易，而且对＂奢＂的习惯速度也快得惊人。不过是两三年前我们出行还是靠地图和从网上打印的directions，那时候想要是没有google maps 该多累，现在则完全依赖GPS,想到要研究地图都觉得累。

宝宝的玩具，有娃娃，也有车。她对娃娃不是很感兴趣，对车也一般，比较起来更喜欢车一点。她的很多玩具是继承她小表哥的，比如积木，她都非常喜欢。我们也没有刻意培养她的性格倾向，让她自由发展。但我不得不承认，宝宝有一个让人担忧的爱好：宝宝喜欢鞋。我以前到她的垫子上和她玩的时候常把鞋脱在垫子边上，她立刻爬到垫子边，抓着鞋玩。所以我现在在家根本不穿鞋。今天一个阿姨来，穿了一双漂亮的人字拖鞋，她也爬过去研究人家的鞋，特别是上面亮晶晶的饰品。不知她长大了是不是会象Carrie一样买好多好多的鞋。
总的说来，宝宝对不是玩具的东西更感兴趣。给她拍照时，我们一不留神她就去抓相机，摄像机。她也喜欢遥控器，手机。一般来说把玩具从她手里拿走她都不会发脾气，唯一一次急了就是我把手机从她手里拿走。我们也很奇怪，这些东西颜色也不鲜艳，但她总是放下玩具去玩这些东西。甚至连书她都更喜欢大人的书，而不是适合她的书。不知是小孩都这样，还是她特殊。

有孩子之前，我知道每个父母都觉得自己的孩子最漂亮，也知道每个人（包括自己）看到小孩子都会说＂好漂亮好可爱的孩子！＂（Cute baby! Adorable! etc.)但有了孩子以后，我觉得自己的孩子确实是最漂亮的。虽然按照逻辑，我知道自己这么看仅仅是因为我是当妈的，但是当我看着女儿的时候，就觉得她的美是无可置疑的事实，就象地球是圆的一样是真理。为了＂客观＂起见，我决定征求先生的意见。我现在根本不问先生＂你觉得我是不是胖了＂这类傻问题，因为根本不可能得到有参考价值的回答。我现在总是问他：＂我们宝宝确实是最漂亮吧？这不是因为我们做父母的不客观吧？＂他的回答也总是让我很满意：＂我觉得宝宝确实特漂亮。＂同样的，我们也非常明白大家夸小孩漂亮可爱多是出于礼貌，但同时又觉得别人夸我们的宝宝是真心的。昨天晚上看宝宝的最新照片，也看了看好久没看的宝宝刚出生时的照片。这之前先生一直认为宝宝刚出生时最漂亮，第一眼看到宝宝，简直是惊为天人，以至于一见钟情。这次看了照片，先生才发现宝宝刚出生时没他印象中那么美，倒是宝宝现在最好看。

宝宝现在会摇头表示不同意了。昨晚喂她，喂到后来她不要了，就摇头。以前她是勺到嘴边把头转开，但昨晚是她看到我把勺伸过来就先摇几下头，勺送到嘴边她把头转开，再摇几下头。见此，我就逗她，也学她摇几下头，她就格格地笑。再喂她，她还是摇头。我再摇头，她又笑。如是几次，好脾气的宝宝终于不高兴了，我再喂她，她不但摇头，而且叫着抗议，好象说：我表示得已经很明确了，你怎么还不明白呢？我当然只好尊重宝宝的意见了。老公就有了新发现：看来点头表示＂是＂和摇头表示＂不＂是从喂饭这儿来，要吃就低（点）头，不要就转（摇）头。
昨天在Mall里，我先抱着宝宝上楼，她爸爸推着童车，坐电梯，后上来。隔着人群，远远看到她爸爸过来，我问宝宝：看谁过来了，宝宝说：＂爸爸！＂
今天早晨，保姆来了，我还没有走的时候，宝宝在地上爬，宝宝爬着爬着突然哭了。保姆立刻抱她，问她是不是磕哪了，又拍着地板说，打它！但宝宝摇头。当时我在她面前走过，但没和她说话，所以宝宝哭了。
这样的例子有好几个。有次晚上我实在累了，让老公哄她睡觉，老公让我把门关上，我当着宝宝关门出去，就听宝宝哇地一声嚎啕大哭起来。还有次宝宝夜里醒来，我把她又哄着了，就去洗手间，回来见她眼睛又睁开了，就转身想去拿水给她，宝宝立刻放声大哭。她自己醒了从来不哭不闹，但如果见了我而我不理，她就会大哭。大概是想：我是不是成了隐身宝宝，妈妈看不见我？我用哭来让妈妈听见吧！（我正确的程序应该是：见她醒了，就应该抱着她去取东西。）

宝宝最新消息

宝宝现在除了会叫爸爸妈妈，还会说＂Bye Bye＂和＂乖＂。
昨天傍晚，宝宝坐在地上玩，我陪着她，她有时叫几声＂妈妈＂。这时老公回家，宝宝转过头，甜甜地叫了一声：＂爸爸！＂
今天早晨宝宝醒来，看见我，叫我：＂妈妈！＂
今天带宝宝去一个新的公园。这个公园的沙坑比别处的好些。这是宝宝第一次玩沙子。这之前我们没找到合适的地方，宝宝的爸爸的标准特别高。这个公园是我转了大半个城找到的。宝宝倒没有对沙子特别感兴趣。有一个沙漏，落下的沙子推动轮子转动，宝宝很喜欢，先是看我玩，后来自己又玩，用手去转轮子。
今天宝宝打秋千打得格外高兴。她从坐上秋千就很高兴，显然适应多了。我推她，每次回到我这里我就亲她一下，她就更开心了，又尖叫又笑。

New tricks

I talked with a friend the other day, and she said that at some point people will stop recording every new development of their baby because there are too many of them! I guess that's why I often see people at some point either stop blogging , or continue to blog but much less frequently, recording important milestones only.


Now my daughter has started making more progress than I can keep up with (as I've become lazier also).


She can almost stand on her feet only, without having to hold onto something. She likes to practice standing in her crib. After standing for a little while (most of the time with her hands on the rails), she would sit down to take a quick break. Still, sometimes I think she needs some extra rest, so I would pick her up and make her "fly" over the rail, and she would laugh out loud.

We've had two babysitters, both commenting that she can focuse her attention more than other babies.

She emulates what we do. At night I use the remote control for her bedtime music. She picks up that remote, and in addition to trying to chew it, she also holds it the way I do (extending her arm) and presses the buttons.

宝宝怕痒，一胳肢她她就笑得不行。但其实她的怕痒有很大的心理因素。你要是从她背后悄没声地胳肢她，她根本没反应，但如果从正面做势要胳肢她，根本没碰到她她就笑得不行了。如果从她背后发出＂吓唬＂她的声音，同时胳肢她，她也会笑。

Two sides of motherhood

There are two sides of motherhood.

One side is the responsibilities - thousands of things to do and worry about, feeding, diapering, nail clipping, story-telling, washing and sterilizing bottles (and the toys), choosing toys, picking outfits, washing clothes, replacing all kinds of supplies, child-proofing the house, deciding where to take the child to on weekends, adjusting to the changing feeding patterns, ... and above all, putting the child to sleep every night! In general, it's like taking on another job, though more exhausting than most other jobs, and you tend to be more worried that you may not have done an adequate job.

The other side is the sheer fact that you have brought this little individual into the world, who is going to develop into his/her own person. When I put my daughter to sleep at night, often times I also go to sleep with her, at about 8 -9 pm. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and do housework, or catch up with some work, or simply relax by surfing the Internet. Every now and then, I would go to check on her. And there she is, in her crib, sleeping like an angel. You can't help being amazed that this little thing, 72 cm long and 19.6 lb in weight to be precise, has so much power on the lives of the people around her. You also can't help thinking about all the possibilities in front of her, some pretty certain - such as that she is going to be able to walk and talk, while others more uncertain - such as what profession she is going to enter and who are the people she is going to meet. During these quiet moments, I savor the meaning of motherhood - it is something so significant that it is almost surreal. And the sharp contrast between the philosophical side and the mundane side of motherhood leaves me even more in awe. Being a mother is so commonplace, and yet it has such profound effects on another person's life.

Sometimes the most common things are also the most myterious - for example, time, or motherhood.

Playground, book, etc.

昨天是Memorial Day， 我们带宝宝去playground。宝宝坐秋千，打滑梯（妈妈抱着），还在小火车里玩。宝宝坐秋千和打滑梯略有些紧张，在小火车里更高兴一些。我发现她不在家里的时候，在室内（如博物馆）或半封闭的空间（如小火车）会自在一些，另外宝宝喜欢interactive的玩具，喜欢用手触摸来探索。

晚上我读书给她，哄她睡觉。这几天读的是＂Pat the Bunny"。她原来对"Mommy's ring"（书页上的戒指有一个洞）一点儿感觉都没有，但昨天她在用手指试探。我把书页掀开一点，从另一面抓住宝宝的手指。宝宝高兴极了，格格地笑。（顺便说一句，宝宝现在不如原来那么容易被逗笑了。）

Museum of Science

宝宝今天是九个月零三天。
今天是宝宝第一次参观博物馆。我们带她去Museum of Science. 有很多展台是交互式的，可以坐在那里按按钮，宝宝非常喜欢。宝宝玩得比较久的地方是世界地图。
宝宝玩得很开心，回家以后也很乖。乖的表现就是肯自己玩，－ 确切地说是爸爸看着她玩。她不太乖的时候就是缠着我，我一秒钟也不能离开她的视野，一看不见我就叫。

Trust

Yesterday at a conference, I learned about a new research finding: facial resemblance promotes trust. The research is pretty cool: an image of a person (whom the subject can choose to do business with) is morphed either with the subject’s own face or with someone else', and it is shown that faces that are morphed with one's own generate more trust and the subjects are more likely to accept the offers made by these "people". Someone in the audience asked an interesting question: Is this because people trust others who look like themselves, or, is it because people trust others who look like their parents who look like themselves? The presenter said that the current research cannot answer that, but apparently new research can be conducted on people who were adopted.

This raises some very intersting questions. Does a person simply trust people whom he grows up with, no matter what he looks like himself? How important is the person's own appearance/genes in generating trust? For example, for children who were adopted by partents from other cultures or races, who would they trust more: people that look like themselves or their parents? Common sense seems to tell us that one's own appearance is not superfluous. Otherwise, inter-racial, inter-cultural adoptions would not attract more attention than other adoptions. I once heard on NPR about this topic, and remembered an African-American girl adopted by white parents talking about the special challenges she faced growing up.

So the question itself: whether people trust others who look like themselves or their parents, may need to be revised. The very fact that one looks like his/her parents (or not) may play an important role in shaping a person, including his/her ability to trust others. Growing up, every person asks, and needs to answer, this question: "Who am I?" This is part of establishing one's identity. In this process, one inevitably notices whether he/she resembles his/her parents. If not, it will be more difficult for the kid to find his/her identity.

Another observation may also be illuminating. Many of my friends, who are also Chinese living in the US, told me that their kids often have friends from all races and backgrounds in kindergarten, but by the time they go to high school, their friends are much more likely from similar background (Asian Americans). This is probably because having friends with similar backgrounds is part of establishing one's identity; and these friends may in turn reinforce the identity.

After all, "know oneself" is the ultimate task for each one of us. And as one comes to know oneself, including one's appearance, one may start to reexamine one's relationships with others including parents, friends, and strangers.

审美观

很多人看到宝宝的第一句评论是：真是樱桃小口啊！她的姥爷看了她的照片以后，对她最早的评论之一也是如此。大家都觉得这是宝宝漂亮的证据之一。对此，宝宝的爸爸是很不以为然的。他认为宝宝的嘴不小。为什么呢？经过和宝宝的爸爸仔细探讨，发现他的逻辑是这样的。首先，他认为嘴小不好看。而且，他是很有原则的，不会轻易改变自己的审美观。当然，作为一个骄傲的父亲，他不可能认为自己的女儿不好看。推理顺序为： 宝宝好看，嘴小不好看，所以宝宝嘴不小。至于嘴的大小的标准，很简单：以宝宝为标准，减一分则小！

宝宝的性格

以前看到说孩子很小就可以看出个性。我对宝宝将来的性格大概可以猜猜，但不象我以为的那么明显。大概如果有了不只一个孩子，有对比会感觉更明显。我们因为没有经验，只能凭对成年人的了解来推测宝宝的个性。
宝宝总的说来性格很好，不会无缘无故哭闹。不过据说babies哭都是有原因的。她玩的玩具，给她拿走，她会换一个再玩。我有次抱她把她闪了一下，她觉得新奇好玩儿，格格格地笑。她可以自己玩，自娱自乐。这些性格基本上象她爸爸。她从一个月不到，夜里醒来就不哭，一个人在那玩，只有时间太久饿坏了才会哭。她夜里醒来后呼吸声和睡时不一样，我就是靠听呼吸声夜里醒来给她喂奶。每次我醒来看她在那睁着大眼睛都好心疼，不知道她醒了多久。因为她这样我反而睡得格外不踏实。
但是她不想做的事，谁也没办法，真要哭起来也是不依不饶。爷爷奶奶说她＂不吃亏＂。
宝宝做事很专注，她认真研究玩具的时候，小眉毛皱着，先生说象我。当然她更喜欢研究非玩具的物体，比如她的各种器械上的安全带(changing pad, high chair, swing, etc.)，遥控器，等等。

progress

1. 上周三（５月６日），宝宝右上的门牙长出来了。
2. 这周一(５月１１日)， 宝宝会向前爬了。

最近格外忙。近一个月一直在写research statement； 一篇paper被接受了，当然是最大的好消息，但是final revision给的时间很短，必须立刻改好；又是学期末，学生交project，又考试，给学生答疑，准备考题（这次是别的老师出题，还好，但也要仔细读，提出修改意见），然后改project，改考卷。我总共有１００个学生，工作量很大。
这还不够，我的保姆要回国呆一个月，所以我必须另找一个保姆。登广告，面试。今天（５月１２日）新保姆第一天来。新保姆和宝宝玩儿得挺好。我一上午在家。中午先生回来，我去学校，因为有和同事的appointment。我两个小时就回来了。但宝宝总的说来还是有点紧张，白天总共只睡了１小时。保姆下班后，宝宝从5:45睡到8:45！晚上给宝宝的爷爷奶奶打电话，他们听说后笑说：终于确定不会被新保姆抱走了，放松下来就睡了个大觉。